Dear FutureMe,
Things have come and gone, and a lot has changed, i’ve got to say.
You’re finally comfortable being catholic, so way to go girlie! Keep strong.
Also i’m so in love with Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly. Like i don’t even want a Jim in my life I just wanna be Pam,
if that makes any sense?
Oh well…
Epilogue
2 months later
Honestly I have no idea what you meant with the “I don’t even want a Jim” bit but sure!
The catholic thing is forever a hardship of course. It’s hard...
Of si rhuchc akitgln bauot smoe yuo lorwd dna ouy uylesorf eroths ot eht yuo teh nkwo gnkami idsgeear ees with ns…i si eht you ohw nweh rdetcyil one lla roce see arpts.
Tenam i jtsu smoe ot soniqtue opelpe rwee gsesu. .
Hatt mnea eeebivl tod’n dteon’s oyu. Do teehr ysoflrue rea cuhm lieeevb oyu ouy mhcu ismet oeovrasheddw ouy and do woh os ltui,g you by ew,hn so eieeblv! yhw eveelib ksa ,ohgs ho onos. Tsemi ’dindt uoy yuo mhuc ehwn eiveleb iwesdh so.
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Atbou to telenme this winhti it gevtaine of ewnh i hsi nhkti tjus wya bmyae rlgeniio etdo’ns at uglit to eth slokf sa hwchi kiel annthiyg tclcihoa i’ts ytcelrdi ugt ubt eetrpnser peor eirtehnn rou tlak. Ulpl us him ot to lcreso. .
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Hevertnygi ay,onnde i to eb on etidanips,dop usabcee odgin adn cmeo ,mda trhgi efiworrsk so,hnet gte enve mi’. At coem no efnilesg cuchhr m’i henw mglrinhewveo. Rvey initegsln dan sa cfa,t im’ ucsad gons ymhns iyellk a i of efel omre thna ot a soeth orf lla to legnitsni sorry rtaemt ulyc is,th. Dfuarrtset ’im.
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Aekm ea“fk ym ubt ot ti is uoy nalp lti it”. Figank nto it i fof ttha caesbue ohmesntig utodb my i wtiinh veer is so beelif kaehs geirnnida me loucd. ’uhrcchs to utb me uor evyer kdsi gtinh a crhhcu and eeryv el,ik apry amrry nda iekl to ruogp apyr lli’ eb so…ncfse edb unyads to and tyohu adn ygu feobre go tu,sj go teh opperr ,ceni nad ownt’. Woh that otudb be? i si ti gshnit erllay wlil. I srgli oto ielk. I onund. ’ellw ees tub.
This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please
for those who wanna read the epilogue but don’t have premium (as I): “Honestly I have no idea what you meant with the “I don’t even want a Jim” bit but sure!
The catholic thing is forever a hardship of course. It’s hard to see yourself when you know some core parts of you directly disagree with the church and all you see others talking about is how the world is the one making you sin…
I guess some people were just meant to question. That doesn’t mean you don’t believe. Oh gosh, and how do you believe! You believe so much there are times when, soon overshadowed by guilt, you ask yourself why do you believe so much. Times when you wished you didn’t believe so much.
When folks talk about catholic guilt I like to think of it as this inherent element within our religion which doesn’t represent anything directly negative but maybe it’s just His way to tug at the rope. To pull us closer to Him.
To be honest, I get annoyed, disappointed, even mad, because I’m doing everything right and no fireworks come. No overwhelming feelings come when i’m at church. As a matter of fact, and I’m very sorry for this, I likely feel more listening to a Lucy Dacus song than listening to all those hymns. I’m frustrated.
But my plan is to “fake it til you make it”. Not faking my belief because that is something so ingrained within me I doubt I could ever shake it off. But to just, like, go to church every sunday and go to the church’s youth group and pray every night before bed and confess… And i’ll marry a nice, proper guy and pray our kids won’t be like me. Is that how things really will be? I doubt it. I like girls too. I dunno. But we’ll see
Letter Author:
5 months ago