A letter from Aug 20, 2022

Dear Future Syd, I hope this letter finds you in good health lol. Everytime I write one of these I think about the past letters that I can't read or edit anymore. I sort of wish I did it where they would be a little more chronological. 2027 Syd is getting a letter from 18 year old syd. I'm sure it'll be funny though so it's fine. Anyways. I'm currently 20 and doing alrightish. Still living at home, loving the house and neighborhood. Late summer is my very favorite. Warm, green, right on the edge of fall. The pretty sunsets and all the bats that are out while walking tycho. It makes me happy. Mom and Dad can be fine to be around. I've been more frustrated with them now than ever though. It's like constantly walking on eggshells around dad. It seems like everything I do somedays sets him off. And oh boy the manipulation. Sure is fun. Mom does it too but she's more emotional with it. She also never goes against Dad. Ever. It's stupid and makes me feel extremely alone. They've been great about giving me time to adjust to dance and supportive and everything so I feel bad but in the moment it's really not fun. I wish I could know what your relationship is like with them. If they still treat you like that or if it's changed. It's not that big of a deal and I know it could be so much worse but I hope there's been some type of understanding between me and them in the future. I just started dancing again two weeks ago. Which is crazy. I have no clue what I'm doing with my life. Dancing is fun and I'm glad to be in that environment again but everything is so uncertain. I'm learning to just go one step at a time and enjoy the now of course but it still gets stressful man. Like should I just be going to school while I have the chance to have the college experience? For physical therapy? Or art? I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Maybe I'll actually end up dancing long term though. Or maybe I'll dance for a few years and work or go to school who knows. Maybe you still don't know. That's ok too I guess. I hope that you feel happy and chill with whatever you're doing. But I have heard people say your 20s are for experimenting and you're still not half way through. I know I get wrapped up in things that don't really matter or that I have no control over sometimes. I'm trying to work on that. This is only going three years forward. So you're 23. Wait! It's our golden year, I just realized. wow. I hope it's been great so far. I hope you're surrounded by people you love that make you feel loved. It really would be so cool to have your answers though. Like are you still freaked out about *****? What are your favorite books and movies that don't even exist now? And are you in a relationship yet? I sure hope so dude. It's cool if not but of course I hope we're dating our future husband. I've actually been thinking about that a bit lately. The fact that romantic relationships are a thing that people do and it's normal lmao. It's just so foreign right now. Then I think about how I'll be figuring out so much stuff with someone who probably already went through it for the first time. Which is totally fine but still another factor to worry about :P I was talking to a friend last night about love languages and how physical touch can affect someone so much deeper if it's one of their tops. I thought that was interesting but it makes sense. I want to be in a relationship pretty bad haha. I like being alone and I don't think a boyfriend would make everything better or whatever but it would be nice to have. A friend that I know really cares for me. And that also wants to cuddle and mess around bahaha. That feels sort of scary to write out for some reason. I feel like it's bad to want that I guess. But it'll happen one day. Now for the light hearted portion of this letter hmmm. I finished six of crows and season 1 of shadow and bone. I LOVE the crows, that book was phenomenal. I'm about a quarter of the way through crooked kingdom now. I still love Klance of course, stranger things season 4 was crazy, I've watched it so many times lol. I love Eddie :( Um Idk I listen to lots of music and I sleep a lot. I try to paint and get outside as much as possible too. That's sort of it. I'm just a bit unsettled and feel stressed and but also ungrateful:") Could be way worse though. So I'm thankful for what I do have going on. Plus it's almost fall! So reading and library and autumn weather and clothes and coffee shops and over the garden wall season will be great. Plus nutcracker! But again. I hope you're doing well. I love you :) <3 Love, Syd