A letter from May 16th, 2021

dear sejal, it is 5/16/2021, the sunday morning four days before i graduate. that makes me feel really weird. sunday morning is a good time to be in but it’s weird to think this is the last weekend i have as a high schooler. honestly, graduation is freaking me out (and not just because i realize i need to memorize a five-minute speech in four days and i am nowhere near memorization). i think i made school too central of an aspect of my personality and life. i don’t know who i am without student council, good grades, and socializing with my friends everyday. when i graduate, what’s going to be left? i know i’ll hang out with my friends and i’ll work over the summer but i don’t know… it just feels weird and i don’t think four days is enough. i guess it’s the realization that i’m an official adult once i graduate and that i can do literally anything i want with my life (but yet i’ll still be under my parents roof and i doubt any rules will change - i really hope they are lax with me this summer). i go back and forth with the person i want to be in college. i used to be a super “constantly working, constantly socializing high-functioning super-involved-in-school and popular” person, which i think i might still be but definitely not as much. this past year made me sadder and more emotional overall and i think it’s changing me. i see myself getting more mellow in college, allowing myself to be an average student. actually, no, i doubt i’d let myself get a C, but i think i’ll stress less about school and just aim for the best grade possible. focus more on the learning than the grade (at least i hope). i definitely want to not be as sad, or at least be able to handle it better so my friends don’t constantly have to deal with it. i think part of why i’ve displayed my emotions so much this past year is because of how comfortable i am with my friendships, and that will change in college. that part, i’m nervous for. right now, if i wanted to just hang out with my friend in silence because that’s what i NEED, i could. if i wanted to step out of class and cry, i know i have someone that will step out with me. if i’m across houston and my car breaks down, i know someone got me. in college, i’ll have to start over. it took me four years to get to the point of truly being myself around my friends and being OK with it and now i will have to go back to putting on a mask in college. now, i know college is an opportunity to just be myself from the start, but i think the true “myself” is too sensitive and clingy. i am very, very excited for the friendships i’ll make in college, because i know those are the lifelong friendships or whatever, but i am not excited for the first few months where i’ve made a lot of friends but i don’t really know any of them and can’t go to any of them. that said, though, making new friends is fun! i love the first part of getting close to someone where you’re learning everything about them. that part of college will be nice. now, as i write this, i don’t think i’m going to force a personality change in college. i think i’ll just act as much like myself as possible and try to match the energy of the people i’m talking to. i’ll look for calm, down to earth people as i make my friends. also, i’ll probably join some clubs because thats who i am, but mainly fun, cultural stuff. i may pursue leadership, because that’s who i am, but i don’t want to get overburdened. i think if anything, i’ll put more a focus on clubs and less on grades in college. i don’t know how any of this information i’m giving you, future graduating-college-sejal, is useful, but i think you’ll appreciate the time capsule into your thought process four years ago. before i start giving you advice and asking you about your life and your next steps, let me tell you about my weekend. friday was my last student council event. it was a field day for our in-person students (because half our students are virtual and weren’t allowed to come). planning this event stressed me out more than any event i think ever has (or maybe it’s been a while since i’ve planned something so big i forgot the stress that accompanies it). leading up to it, i had a meeting with our principal and after the meeting i got such an information overload i had a pretty bad panic attack. i could talk and somewhat function but my breath was going fast and i couldn’t think properly or being around people and i just needed a hug. karen saucedo, who you’re probably not still in touch with but you should reach out to, hugged me. my friends were there for me in the best way possible after (especially red, ahh i love red). the night before the event, i was really worried because so much could go wrong, so i texted daniel mandujano and angel cespedes a lot (next year’s president and vice-president) and i think i’ve really enjoyed passing the torch down to them. they’re good people and i realize that i’ve actually been a pretty good leader and i have a lot to pass down. the day of the event, things went beautifully. i was working majority of the time but i love working events so it was fun. i socialized a lot! we brought back the family tug of war tradition and i think started a new field day tradition. i don’t know if it was because the event is chill or i’ve gotten better at working under pressure, but i actually worked well during the event. i didn’t let stress overtake me, i delegated, and i was still on top of everything. afterwards, i reflected a lot on student council. i realize it was probably the single most formative aspect of high school for me. it gave me friendships and peers to look up that will forever impact me, taught me how to go out of my comfort zone and all the amazing things that come from it (AHHH please continue going out of your comfort zone you will thrive from it), built my self-confidence, molded me into a leader and gave me experiences and lessons that made me a better leader, taught me life lessons, and basically just made me the person who i am. i hope you carried those skills with you throughout college. yesterday, i went with adolfo and katheryne (a friend from kumon) to watch a baseball game at rice. kind of crazy how i am already so familiar with the rice campus. the game was kind of boring but i am excited to go to the more packed games in college, especially since rice gives us tickets. hanging out with them was really fun, we got banh mi’s at les grivals and visited UH since that’s where adolfo is going. you should text adolfo if you haven’t seen him in a while. i really like the trees at the rice campus and although i feel like i’ve already explored downtown enough i’m excited to live in the city. i’m sure there’s stuff to do (but sadly all the free stuff involves being outdoors so if there’s bad weather its a no-go). oh, yesterday was also lonestar’s virtual graduation! i did not tune in because it was just a scrolling list of names but its cool to know that i have my associate’s degree before my high school diploma. i don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for the whole associate’s by the time you graduate high school thing. it’s a pretty cool achievement. even if the associate’s doesn’t help me in college i actually really enjoyed my time at lonestar. anyways, after i got back from downtown, i went to jaylinne’s grad party and hung out w rico, thomas, and jariz. it was fun!! i felt pretty awkward because i didn’t know what to talk about in front of other people from school (cuz of course i am not going to be the nerd who brings up school) and honestly these days i don’t even know what to talk about with my friends sometimes. i think it’s because we’re graduating so soon. i wonder if you are still vegetarian (or pescatarian i guess since i eat sushi) in four years. i hope you still find a way to cook although i know the kitchens there suck. omg, i should cook this summer. anyways, i went to brooklyn’s neighbor’s quince in aldine. the 12 minute drive took me 22 bcause it was nighttime and i didn’t want to climb the beltway. i was terrified making that drive because it was such an unfamiliar place but i listened to currents - tame impala and did fine. the quince was fun, brooklyns entire family hugged me and honestly i think they’re going to continue being in my life. idk what it is about brooklyn but i think she’s a lifelong bond. i didn’t have a dress to wear so i had to wear something from middle school LOL but i enjoyed dancing a lot at the quince. could not stay too long, strict parents want me home early! today, i am writing this letter, writing a letter to all my teachers (it is a fun, but timestaking activity that requires you tap into your emotions and appreciation and express them), cleaning my room, and practicing my graduation speech. i still cannot fully comprehend that i am graduating in four days. i feel like things are so unfinished. i will miss school breakfast chocolate donuts and school lunch pizza cheese sticks. it’ll be weird changing my computer bookmarks from D2L, HAC, Google Classroom, School Gmail, StuCo drive, College 101 drive to all my Rice tabs. okay, one thing i regret not doing is planning a post-graduation trip. a road trip to the grand canyon would have been cool. i think you should do that, especially since we’ve been in houston this whole time. explore something new! or at least take a weekend to visit rico in college station or thomas in austin before y’all graduate ORR get ur rice friends and rent a cheap motel in galveston and have beach time. one thing i do not regret doing is taking things really easy this past month. not making myself workout (getting back to the routine will be hard), working only a few hours a week, not adding extra responsibilities to my plate - basically allowing myself to relax and enjoy the end of my senior year. if you have a job, consider taking some time off. i will say though, i’ve been spending so much that this may cycle instead of saving 70% i am saving 0%. it’s okay though, i’ll make a lot of money working at that law firm. but yes, you should do what’s right for YOU. in january/february i forced myself to be busy and hardworking - it was exhausting and depressing. i’ve been told i have a hard time letting go of friendships. i think maybe i do, but its because i still feel close with people even after its been a minute. if we were really close at one point, that bond doesn’t really go away. also, i think i have room in my heart to be really good friends with a lot of people. middle school, high school, and college friends < who says i have to choose? i don’t think it’s a bad thing, which is why i want you to try to keep thomas, rico, red, and brooklyn in your life. nadia, adolfo, and jariz too. daniel winter and yani (well she’s your neighbor, not worried about losing touch there) too. they’re good people that are only a text away. make plans with them, even if its awkward at first you’ll warm up quickly and it’ll be really nice to catch up. i am so curious about what the next step of your life is going to be. a masters? law school? a cool job lined up? i wonder if it took less than four years because of the college credits, although i doubt it. i wonder if we stuck with polisci. i hope whatever we are majoring in and whatever our next step is, we love it and we are good at it. money is pretty important but i think happiness is #1. whatever your next step is, it’ll be a good one. if you have your doubts, that’s okay. i have no idea if rice is for me, i just picked it cause it seemed like the best option. i’ll MAKE it right for me. same with you, whatever you have coming up, you’ll make the most out of it. try not to be too sad about graduating. i know you’ll miss college but adulthood will be FUN!! you’ll have your own place, go to cool bars, live life on your own means. it’ll be nice. omg, just realized your baby niece will be like three/four by the time you read this. omg, i’m glad we’re in houston just so we can be there as she grows. same with saahu, he’s gotta be 9 then which is crazy old. i hope everyone in the family is doing well. tell them you love them. also, gaurav is graduating high school! he’s probably feeling all types of ways. if anything, show him the first part of this letter to show him you GET it, graduating high school is a super weird feeling. so in may 2025, theoretically, you should be graduating college. if that’s still happening, congratulations! super impressive. you’re a bad *****. you better not have imposters syndrome anymore (i think its been going away little by little). party hard for me! i bet you’re really pretty and kind in four years and i hope you’re healthy and happy. i hope that you love your body, that you fell in love again (and this time was better), that you found your people, that you found and accepted yourself, that you love yourself and you love life. i want you to know that no matter who you are, what you’re doing, if you’re graduating or not graduating, if you have high ambitions or you’re just trying to make it through life, if you take care of yourself or if you’re still getting yourself to that point, i love you so much and i look up to you. i’m really proud of you and how deeply you care about people. i hope you continue writing, displaying your sensitivity (in moderation), finding time for the people you love, and working hard towards your future. i hope the next chapter of your life treats you well, sejal gupta may 2021