September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Thwi bene ruhghot mih u'oevy. F,ar bset a siht da(n you nwee-glko asw rowte a hmotn het ritp lief s)i adn e,pag yb ,tlreet dora week fo ot ienert ti uoy him uryo thiw koot istll teafr. Jtsu nthki. . . Ra,och nda omts teh aepg na utsj ekew hte levo ppleoe thiw oyu tneire oy,u. Lkat a btoua mraed. .
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Little bit you htta erfat rtifd aettdrs to a. Tcungit hmi ni daem idionces lfie ish eld a uoy suptid ihcwh ot out of rleat e,merbdce ouy nda. That iekl ujst. Brrememe i o,h nielefg eth tllis. Het asw pnaic e'wev nebe evre ti a tcelsso to ckttaa raolpbby. Ihsnrguc it was. Ekwa tehcs ubrst adn went yuo dan nad oyru ghue genohimst senke oury uoy ha,reteb no bsso swa like tsju dl'otncu into all. Odnrug anflle oyu ser,ohw nto and dah i evha uoy in udolw ietsipov eth am bnee ot hte. Mtrcaida dusosn it asw os it ubseeca. .
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Uoy taht he ot aedi no leazirngi onw, bomece avhe yuo it avhe you woh otmirpatn udlco itwtuoh nvee. Okot tiohuwt pu ouyr it rcdseniee nda acbk door haert of swa iekl herte teh sirmsnopei rouy kcnsu he in. Of thiw ti eh chskun teqausrt luitn wnok nda aws uryo teak ddn'ti and he hetra to uheg mgenada vodem him a yuo on.
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Ihm swa tlas dbtiyarh hte teim saw yoru ouy. Shi cabk of nishtg lla uoy otko imh. Dna koto sih eht ,orod dsloce teh bxo, eh pedeon rodo. Hatt asw it. .
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Ewer eht to ollwfo onmths darh os. For agryn sihtgrntae ,it him dna yrloseuf to yuo nesisdoic atht at at nkiamg ofr dna cumh nad ngebi rfo threa eebn hda rewe gcnair ehsrtt,dea bda even grany wtih yepelmotlc ruoy. .
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An udse eealv liagenv ouy mih ynlaootilem spychaylli cesxeu as ot. Uoy aawy anr. ,anr e,sgl rouy liat aanizro neebtwe ot. Tairn fo adn ired tlfe snoecd gnorw vreey ttah. And a eh to eevr ettxde loudc dsai ckba eher, uyor fo i,etm loduhs go gniavh fi e'ryuo nwo bhrtyaid nad two ouy natcitasf adn oyu eur'oy on veah iegbn isstrse' srenfdi sak to you the no. .
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Htrwo it was oyu a dsai yrt. Oyu edtir. Wno ifgitrnd eoryu' agani. Tath to nokw you rpfsini,edh eslim 200,0 do a lwil. T,hore tcatocn ot eth erew laerby onw ihstng cfat dna ehyt veha erefbo ache vlie ouy awy cabk cnoatn og oyu thta to the twhi. And wnrda in lngo ubt lapufni a beyma wiht hnigton rhtera adn uot tath uol'ly forrem waayysn, a pu llshe tnah den ywa hte e,hrndsiifp fo 'udoy aevh. .
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Idd hignts hte do walasy oyu rcah hrda ,ayw.
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Wto fo tnrdue otu shit the i ighnst am rsory hatt weebetn way yoebnd uoy. Rydahl uaeutilbf uroy twih gpsar hseotmgni mih loudc uyor sluo wsa it drihneifps so. Nda saw ti roedsdyte. .
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Yrors mi'. You lveo i. Ma etamn uyo you how itrppeecdaa and ot hyievtrneg imh ared lagd muhc to he i. Nyu,fn 'sit antprnmeime adn elfi epleop who and rae so ssttuianoi. .
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Kcba ouy to i iwsh go uclod i. Wish sone iwht ahev you sbeecua him het ltel uodcl eamk rae i decons ouy ,ncout yerev ot ielimdt i os. .
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Yrrso 'mi.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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